(,")pHe_pHe(",) suCcesSfuL bOi

ilu..

2006-04-30T00:33:00.000+08:00

mAny tHings hapPen, wE arE botH uPset, tiRed..buT stiLl..i woNt leT go..wE wiLl oveRcomE it togEtheR rytEx..thE onE hu is owaEs wiF me..woRrieD foR mE..eveRytHing wilL bE finE onE dAy..-TreaSurinG evEry momEnts spEnt wiF u-..("v")

vdgwe

2006-04-30T00:03:00.000+08:00

lovable precious precious..no matter how big the probs are.i will never let go of ur hands..i'll hug u tight..and never let loose...i'll go through..every single prob with u..hand in hand...becus u're the love of my life

-from ur lovable dearest dearest

lolxX~

2006-04-26T22:12:00.000+08:00

welL, toOk quitE a lonG tyM to fiGUre thingS ouT..tHis iS my furZ tyM doIn tiS 0.o[*paiseH*]..its sO pinK anD poopoo-isH..=X at leAst i put iN an efFoRt =X muAckZ huBby..

("v") uR preciOus

ck

2006-04-26T22:03:00.000+08:00

my lovable precious precious was so sweet to change the plain blog skin to something so nice and sweet.muaaaccckksss..hugs

from ur lovable dearest dearest

preciouS huBby

2006-04-25T22:05:00.000+08:00

duN wRy mY lovAble deaRest dearEst o.o..i'M alRyte..duN lEt it affEct u alRyte..i'M nOt asKing foR all acE frM u, aS lonG aS u noE u haF donE uR beSt caN le..i'lL owaEs stAy by uR sidE..cheRisH u..i juS duN wisH to losE u..siMply ilu..duN waNna c u uPseT..wont aNIhow tyNK le..u osO duN tyNk toO mucH le oH..i'M pErfeCtly alRyte..muAckzZ..thE onE anD onLi onE iM goNna luV..u'Re stucK..wahaha^^

frM uR perCious onE ('v')

darling darling

2006-04-25T21:57:00.000+08:00

precious precious..dun worry.u're not affecting me..i won't fail my prelims..i won't stop loving u..u're just too precious to me..but dun worry dun worry..i won't fail my prelims..i'll ace it for u..but..i'll need ur moral support..urs is enough =p

from ur lovable dearest dearest

After a long time...

2006-03-31T18:34:00.000+08:00

and i'm finally blogging...=).anyway......yawns...going out to meet ken,el.yj....study...don't think can study much also.=x

-and im blogging cus yj asked me to.

tao yan gui ("v") ke ai gui

-

2006-02-04T12:17:00.000+08:00

Lately,
I'm not quite myself.
Maybe,
I do need some help.
Just my confusion,
Trust my delusion.

Don't you,
Regret you met me.
Go through,
These steps to get me,
Back to where we start,
'Fore I fall apart.

If I could black out,
It'd become so clear,
Standing face-to-face with everything I fear.
Watch so closely,
but still I don't see.
As bad as it seems,
a piece of mind I steal,
In ordinary life,
the consequence is real.
I'm past the point of reality.

Trying.

2006-02-01T22:47:00.000+08:00

Okay.CNY was definitely not good.But,I hope everything will start anew.
--------
I hope...I hope....I hope...that....

Harsh.

2006-01-30T10:49:00.000+08:00

Well,I don't know what have I been thinking for this CNY.I feel like a coward,trying to run away from everything.Just by gambling,buying soccer,drinking.Then comes the next day,when I realised its a whole new day and I try so hard not to do it again,but still,I did it,to prevent myself from thinking.Why I've been procastinating and procastinating and procastinating non-stop when it comes to this word.And I never fail to succeed.I say I am brave I am brave I am brave,and when it comes to this,I am a coward.Oh well,all I need is an answer.Things are not turning out so well either,from the way things turned out last night.I seem to be finding for a reason for everything these past few days,what the hell have I been thinking or doing.I can't talk properly to people,I just seem to be in a world of my own,I've no mood to do anything.But now,since my mind is in a MUCH fresher state.I feel fine...for the moment.=)

What a first day.

2006-01-29T22:45:00.000+08:00

Okay,can't believe this was how my first day went.My grandma had to be admitted in a hospital,cus she broke her leg when she slipped down at the bathroom.That delayed our visiting.But oh well.Meant to be happened.So,yeah.What to do.Oh well.

Dying.

2006-01-27T18:36:00.000+08:00

Incessant coughing.Well.Today's much better.Went to school.Was feeling so sick.Then had the CNY Celebrations.After school,went to the airport to see people off.Was feeling so much better already.But my heart did not felt good at that moment in time,which I won't elaborate here.=).New year's coming,and I don't feel excited at all.Why?I'm not going to elaborate.Shan't say further.Oh well.HA.

Erm.

2006-01-25T22:44:00.000+08:00

Alright,today went alright.Went to J8 with school to watch Memoirs of a Geisha.It is really nice,but too draggy.Fell asleep for quite awhile.But,woke up after that.Took a walk around,and then went back.Incessant coughing...*coughs coughs coughs coughs*....ouch.throat pain.Haha.I'm super bored now,thinking tomorrow what a long day its gonna be,I hope I can just express pass the day.Oh well.I'm quite done with today's post.While religiously waiting for some people to reply me on msn!HAHA.=)

Argh.

2006-01-22T13:43:00.000+08:00

Weekends just pass too fast ain't it?Yesterday was alright in the day,night came.The Indian SBS Bus Driver conned me.As a result,I had to run for super long and got late for my reunion dinner.Then I went ChinaTown,pain started coming to my wound.*OUCH*.And wouldn't stop,till 1plus.I finally fell asleep.But woke up again at 6.And managed to force myself back to slp.Till 8.15+.And now,here I am,stuck with my DNT.I need my inspiration!*PRAYS*

Oh.

2006-01-20T20:02:00.000+08:00

Okay.I finally changed my blogskin.To which,some people complained it to be VERY gay-ish and girl-ly.But,alright!I've changed it to something plain,because,I seriously can't find a skin that I like on BlogSkins.com.These few days have been pure onslaughts.Staying back,bla bla bla.Oh well.Was reading all my old posts.And realised,from that Sec 2 boy,I've been blogging and blogging about my life.But,what is it that made me feel so,helpless now.I realised,that Sec 2 boy is no longer there.I used to blog about everything from anger to happiness.But now,I prefer to keep everything to myself.Since I no longer have the ability to write,what I fancy.

A time where only painfulness eludes ;
Where my heart fails to bleed ;
and my blood ceases to flow ;
a feeling whereby only anger is expressed ;
tears flowing endlessly ;
and at that sight of that word ;
i cower in fear ;
as an epitome of happiness and sorrow is described ;
LOVE,
Thats the word.

fdsgrbnen1

2006-01-18T18:54:00.000+08:00

Okay.I finally turned 16.Oh well.How did I celebrate my day yesterday?Uhm,went to meet my friend at town,yeah.At TCC.I can say that,I really like the present alot.Not because it is expensive or what.But it is.Really sweet of her.Haha.Yeah.Anyhow,now that I'm 16.I don't know what should I do.Maybe become more mature?Haha.But how?

fnbernrentrn

2006-01-15T23:12:00.000+08:00

Hmm,was looking back,thinking back.And finally remembered one of a post I did eons ago.So long ago,sometime,around last year,where i was at my weakest point in life.Anyway,as i posted last year.I'm that little sperm swimming in my mother's womb 16 years ago.And from the moment I left my dad's organ.I went into the fallopian tube.From the tube,I swam as fast as I could to the egg.And when I finally reached,I realised I was not the only one there.Many others were trying to break into the egg.Not wanting to give up,I persevered.And joined in.After awhile,I found myself in a whole new environment.I realised,I was the fittest one who got into the egg.I was not of a lucky break.I'm a born champion.=).

fewgherh

2006-01-12T19:04:00.000+08:00

Alright!I've been blogging everyday.Don't know why,just taking a break.Haha!Today was nothing much,freezing in school,practically raining everyday.Hmm.Singapore's 'winter'?Alright,about last night,was just feeling tired,well,everyday is gonna be like that,so just gotta live with it.I hope I don't get caught by ah neo or ida or any friggin' discipline teachers tomorrow though.=).*Bless me father for I have sinned.......against YYSS*.Finally weekends are coming,I feel like watching A Chinese Tall Story,heard from Aloy that its quite nice,and the way he describes the show is just too hilarious.Well,don't know whats gonna come up for me,but,lets just let NATURAL takes it course.Hor?Jabez?Let NATURAL takes it course hor?HAHA.I'm going back to the hospital soon,for check up,hopefully everything goes fine ya.
----------------------------------
I don't wannna cower no more ;
I'm made strong afterall.
=)

3t32yreg

2006-01-11T20:51:00.000+08:00

Do you ever feel like everything is not going your way?Hah,today was the first day in 2006 for me!Well,if you're gonna ask me what I'm gonna do about it.I will just simply say 'Oh,there's tomorrow to be improved on.'=).I don't know why,I'm feeling extremely pissed with everything now.Well,things do go wayward,but,its up to human to fix it.And I feel so useless by not doing so.=x.
--------------
I can wait forever,my patience can't.
So tell me,what more do you want from me?
I can give you everest if you ask for a mountain ;
the great canyon when you ask for a valley ;
the pacific ocean when you ask for just a lake ;
but i'm sorry ;
i doubt i can give you my heart when u ask for it ;
i don't want it to be hurt again.

PHELAN

h42-jnoiweN

2006-01-10T20:42:00.000+08:00

dijjkndqkql

2006-01-05T18:19:00.000+08:00

Okay.2006 is here.I know this is abit late.=).Anyhow,the big letter that comes out everyday 'Os'.Argh.Okay.O's are this year for me.Mixed emotions.But anyhow,gotta motivate myself to study hard for it.Sch's getting faster and faster.I don't know if I'm seriously concentrating away in lessons or just dazing out of the window.Should be concentrating.
Some things can't be easily erased,but still,I'm smiling,going strong,cus,I was made strong. =)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Staring out at the rain with a heavy heart
It's the end of the world in my mind
Then your voice pulls me back like a wake up call
I've been looking for the answer
Somewhere
I couldn't see that it was right there
But now I know what I didn't know

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky

It's alright, I survived, I'm alive again
Cuz of you, made it through every storm
What is life, what's the use if you killed inside
I'm so glad I found an angel
Someone
Who was there when all my hopes fell
I wanna fly, looking in your eyes

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl[You live]
My world[my world] has twice as many stars in the sky
Because you live, I live

Because you live there's a reason why
I carry on when I lose the fight
I want to give what you've given me always

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world[my world] has twice as many stars in the sky

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl[Cuz you live]
My world[my world] has everything
I need to survive
Because you live... I live

ewgewgewgwe

2005-12-26T21:06:00.000+08:00

Take everything left from me
All!
To!
Blame!
How can we still succeed, taking what we don't need?
Telling lies, alibis, selling all the hate that we breed.Supersize our tragedies! (You can't define me or justify greed)
Bought in the land of the free! (Land! Free!)
And we're all to blame,We've gone too far,From pride to shame,We're trying so hard,We're dying in vain,We're hopelessly blissful and blind
To all we are,We want it all with no sacrifice!
Realize we spend our lives living in a culture of fear.
Stand to salute; say thanks to the man of the year.How did we all come to this? (You can't define me or justify greed)
This greed that we just can't resist! (Resist!)
And we're all to blame,We've gone too far,From pride to shame,We're trying so hard,We're dying in vain,We're hopelessly blissful and blind
To all we are,We want it all.Everyone wants it all with no sacrifice!
Tell me now, what have we done? We don't know.
I can't allow what has begun to tear me down,
Believe me now, we have no choice left with our Backs against the wall!And now we're all to blame,
We've gone too far,From pride to shame,We're hopelessly blissful and blindWhen all we needIs something true
To believe,Don't we all?Everyone, everyone,We will fall.'Cause we're all to blame
We've gone too far,From pride to shame,We're trying so hard,We're dying in vain,We want it all,Everyone, don't we all?

grndfME

2005-12-21T21:58:00.000+08:00

ive not blogged for a long time.why and why not?
ok.apparently.i dun wanna be reminded of all this past and memories and thoughts of mine.they seemed to look like 'TRIVIAL' to me now.but anyhow.its no more easy to predict.who i am now.even i sometimes.feel that 'phelan is such a bastard.'..why?im doing things that people will not expect that it is done from me.but anyhow.im not gonna care abt how many fingers are going to get pointed at me..and how many bad words are going to go through behind my back.cus its my destiny that i control it myself.but not my destiny that i let others control.im not gonna play the role that society expects me to play.cus im not afraid of changing anymore.period.

wehhjwrhw

2005-12-05T21:04:00.000+08:00

yo everyone.in korea now.haha..its frigging cold up here..hmm.okay.went skiing today..was hell out of fun..but miss alot of people lah..no msn..no this no that.have to wait till at night then can use the msn...but oh well..can't wait for friday..
--------------------
whats in my mind i can't forget.
that thing that broke my heart i can't ignore.
its too much pain..
its too much..
but what can i do..
i have been left broken
by u...
this scar..will not heal..
it will frequently pain me
hurt me
sadden me.
like how often.the birds flap their wings.
and fly.
-------------------
I'M JUST BETTER OFF ALONE.

yinedh[ore

2005-11-26T17:29:00.000+08:00

alright guys..its been long..no no..not so long...anyway..not in singapore now...in malaysia,genting..a place which i regretted going.the only thing i have been doing there..is shop shop shop..eat...slp...wah.total regret.anyhow...its much better than singapore..as in...they are much prettier girls over there..nah nah..shldn't judge a book by its cover..something hilarious happened last night while i was walking back to the hotel...at around the lobby..hahahaha..shall just elaborate on this..u all have to ask me urself!yeah..hmm..anyhow..going back to singapore tomorrow..and its back to the heat!..take care guys..

gewerew

2005-11-24T09:57:00.000+08:00

errmm.im back to blog.ok.what has been happening.Hmm.nothing much actually.i don't know whats happening.whats happening to my form.im playing like shit now.i don't know what do i do now.i feel so lost....so lost....so lost.

fdedopfmweml

2005-11-02T18:42:00.000+08:00

i really like her....this immense pain...she doesn't seem to care..not even act like she care..every night..i look up the sky..i see many stars.but..i don't feel at ease..ni zai na li...she seems to be very cold..but i know...im not meant to love..or to be loved..everything..will just go haywire..this immense pain...is too much for me to bear..so much...too much..that..if i had a chance..i wld brainwash myself..to erase my memories...i can't eat well..i can't slp well...i feel weak all over..im venting it on my body still..cus..there is simply..no one i can talk to..or no one i can rely on for my problems...i only have..me,myself...and i...
-----------------------------
The rain's falling ;
but empty my heart is ;
thoughts of her ;
memories of her ;
but there's nothing.. ;
i could do ;
i just hope ;
there is a way ;
to meant this shattered heart of mine.

PHELAN
-----------------------------
just a lil poem.oh well...g2g guys..another time.

casjncksdvn

2005-10-17T15:06:00.000+08:00

im better off alone ;
cus love is a word too much for me to bear ;
i don't wanna face it ;
oh no,kill me if i must ;
cus i've faced all the worst kind of torture ;
call me a loser ;
call me a runner ;
i'm still gonna cower ;
at the sight of this word ;
LOVE

PHELAN
---------------------------------------------------
what is the whole point in loving?i don't understand..why is my love life like that?put it in a nice way,u'd call it unique...in my point..its screwed up..what did god give me..that took away love?why do i love someone..and that someone has to have something against me,or why do things go smooth,and experience a twist within a second..why?i'm praying..i'm praying..with my eyes closed,heart devoted,fingers interlocked........

fewrwe4teg`

2005-10-10T22:08:00.000+08:00

well.what more can i say...i'm not going to do so well for this EOY..im going to fail emaths..yes.the thought of it..im feeling super useless now...siggh..ni zai na li neh?ni xian zai zai zuo she mo ne?haai..hao xiang hao xiang ni......

fewknglwek

2005-09-29T21:28:00.000+08:00

just one msg tells alot...i don't know..what i'm gonna do now..im extremely low on motivation......tmr's my first paper...and i still don't feel e pressure..where is the phelan that everyone knows.......im losing myself.....every bit....every minute...every second.......sigggh..somethings are just hard to mention here..i don't know who i can turn to now..i just hope......someone...esp.her..will just come and talk to me now..cus...a call...or just a simple msg...can make alot of difference....sigghh....till then..
------------
Sigh is my only expression.

sigh!!!!!

2005-09-27T12:08:00.000+08:00

sigh..i'm in the school lab right now and i just can't stop sighing and sighing away..i just can't think of the thought that.hhaai.wo zhen de bu zhi dao ah!..haaaiii...are u refering to me mah?hhaaaii...dunno why..cannot stop sighing and sighing..aaahhh..someone pls help me!what was it that u wanna say that night?wo zhen de xi wang..wo zhi dao ni na tian yao jiang she me...
----------------
i hope u really don't mind me for who i am..or rather..what i am!

ffettwetew

2005-09-26T23:06:00.000+08:00

sigh..what is it that u're trying to tell me?i can't figure out..haaaii...but..dun doubt me.cus my feelings are true....haaai.i wish i knew..

cfdsgstewreg

2005-09-25T23:08:00.000+08:00

-Young girl don't cry,i'll be right there,when your whole world's starts to fall..'...well...i don't know..im having some bad bad bad feeling now..abt some stuff..lol.but well.trying not to think too much lah..hehe...im feeling great now.though i have this bad feeling....but well.not going to say it.......well.today was a good day..hmm..not so bad actually...i finally did my theory work.haha..steven phua got a shock when he saw it.except that.i didn't memorise my italian terms..haha..my theory exam's coming..not long after my theory paper...but well..all i need is just..ur wishes..i just wanna..hear ur voice....hehe..

fsdcdsvds

2005-09-22T21:17:00.000+08:00

things are going back to bad...back to bad ya...its like a living nightmare...i miss u so much u know...ni zai na li?haaaii..so long nvr talk to u..one day..like one yr.......why is it so difficult de...why i got so many cuo ze in this kind of things one?haaii...anyway..back to sch..its getting from bad to worse..im losing all my motivation....haaaii
----------------
ni zai na li?j offe zpv!

suncjaksn

2005-09-15T21:30:00.000+08:00

ssiiggh..everything is turning back...days of happiness,seems short...i mean...cupid..do u really hate me that much?god..i know u love me..but...obstacles are almost everyday for me...are u going to make me into some super strong man next time?i don't think so..sigghh...i think i offended every god this year...from buddha to jesus....ala to the indian god..the pain is coming back.i just hope i will be able to face it,and get over it...ZERO motivation to do my folio..but..im doing it still..cus..i realised..i have no motivation in everything that i am doing now..be it tennis or music...siggh.
---------------------
ni zai na li?!

clnalk

2005-09-11T12:50:00.000+08:00

i guess.memories will just remain as memories.be it bad or good.life still goes on....thanks for being there for me...really..thanks.=)
-the route to recovery-

fowenflkn

2005-09-09T11:45:00.000+08:00

sigh,its been long,many things have happened.actually.not much.but thinking of my past things.i looked at the things she gave to me.and i feel so..sigh...i regretted it so much..it brought me too much pain..i feel like..and now..thinking about it..i wish it was something i wish i didn't have to remember...and now thinking about it..its been one year...not everyone knew about us..i really wish..that didn't have to happen..that date...that frightful date...3sept04...didn't have to exist..b4 that.i felt like i was at the top of the world...and after that..everything went downhill.....my courage...became zero...my confidence...everything..i lost so much..and after a year...i remained strong....and came year05....slowly...slowly..everything turned back to normal..but..she still cldn't be forgotten..for all those things she done for me..i still can't forget it..but...now..when i think about it..i realised..it was just another life lesson to be learnt...and i nvr regretted experiencing it..cus..im a stronger person now..but sigh...im feeling so tired from those sleepless nights..even if i fall asleep...its only a short while..till i'm awake again..and realised..im actually all alone in the morning....the feeling of emptiness.....i don't know why i'm feeling like this..maybe just recurrence of my past..hmmm..but..life still goes on...yup....everything shall just remain as a memory.....something which will remain in my heart..but not..making me sad..another life experience for me..well...i just hope...the one that god has chosen for me..will appear..maybe it will not..maybe it will.its difficult to say.......going off for tennis later...no much money to go out..yup..nothing much to do..my folio's deadline is nearing..but i've got no motivation......
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ni yao wo xiao ze ai ze qu yong you
jiu suan shi zai duan zan de wen rou
nen zong feng ze ren ci yi zu gou
dou zhi dao you xie shi you xie ren
ting liu zai fa shen de na tian bu ken zou
kan zhi guang de can ku
she bu de bei yi wang
ze ming yun wo hen man zu
you ni pei ban de xing fu
wei ni da kai shi jian de suo
rang ai zi you bu bei ta shu fu
shi ku guo ye zhen zha guo xing rang tong nian guo
deng na yi tian luo ye jing jing piao yen qian
yi bu zai shang bei
yong heng zong yu xiang xing le xing fu de shun jian.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
a song that i keep singing and singing..well.not keep singing and singing.but...i just love singing this song...its somewhat special to me..well...=)...take care peeps...
-Xing Fu De Shun Jian-

cjfnwkjn

2005-08-29T21:33:00.000+08:00

alright.time for me to update..after so long..well.what have i been doing?can i say nothing?yes.nothing.nevertheless,everything is not going so smooth...well.what to do..wo de shen ming zhe yan zhi de mah.anyway.nothing much happened to school.but something happened.i don't wanna say.dun wanna remininsce about this sad thing.i don't know what to post.serious.oh yarh..today's a bad day.thats all i can say.well....bye..g2g..i shall elaborate more next time.

loneliness

2005-07-25T22:43:00.000+08:00

its been weeks.alright.hmm.nothing much has been going on.well.ive endured what everyone could not endured.seeing your loved one with another guy.well.if u really love her.you've gotta let her go.i've done it.i will not regret what i did.love is not a game.love is forgiving and the releasing of one's soul.this is god's love.theres only an unconditional love.and thats god's love.and i love him for it.without him.there wouldn't be me,,him,her or them.without him,nature will not be there.i've been losing my patience towards many thing.ive not been able to think big.maybe im just exhausted.maybe im just tired.maybe im just going pessimistic.well.

.Its loneliness that pushes me to turn to myself for hope and strenght.When I realised they were never there when I need help.

doinflkn

2005-07-17T00:21:00.000+08:00

i got slapped by reality real hard.wth.im not gonna elaborate further.everyone is lying to me.everyone is.even my friends.truth hurts.but keeping in suspense.hurts more.but wth.i hate this.i hate it.

dalknl

2005-07-16T07:40:00.000+08:00

its been a long time.hah.ok..hmmm..so many things happened.and definitely.not the positives one.not gonna elaborate much though.Seems like,I can't trust anyone else.Everyone seems to be lying to me.What the hell.Just who am I to you?

To that BACKSTABBER :
Your masterpiece is complete,but you've left out one formality.You can paint till your hands bleed but you can never change reality.I'm still me.Too bad,your plan to destroy me,has failed.Hate has developed.I trusted you,you betrayed me.The true friendship?Hah!Crap!

To her :
Well.I don't know if you feel e same for me or already attached.If you're,I will still be there though.=)

dasdas

2005-07-05T21:16:00.000+08:00

For once,I'm broken.Truthfully,I've never felt this down before.Now I know how they feel,like a thousand arrows penetrating your heart but it just won't stop the pain no matter what they do.I really hope,someone can really come and really talk to me.Where I can really say out my problems.I always thought love was not difficult.But after this,I'm all broken,I'm all down,all demoralised.What more can I do.I always thought I was strong.But,now,I'm pretending to be strong.Those smiles,those phrase,I can't say it from my heart.I'm trying to be,but,its all a facade.
---------

I strolled down on an empty street ;
All my mind had on her ;
I did not care about things happening around me ;
I carried on walking and walking ;
It felt as though I'm falling deeper and deeper ;
I vaguely saw someone in front of me ;
No,it was two person ;
I walked faster and faster... ;
And realised,it was me and you ;
All of a sudden ;
I found myself on bed ;
But to realise... ;
It was just a dream ;
Life still goes on ;
But my heart fell into a deep abyss of sadness ;
Sorrow ;
Not hiding the fact that ;
I Love You.

Written by Phelan.
------------------------
I really hope someone will come and seriously talk to me.Sigh.

diwqdnlk

2005-07-04T12:28:00.000+08:00

Ok,I'm back again.So many things happen.I can't keep up.I don't wanna keep you.Something happened yesterday.Oh well.There is nothing much I could do either.My love is more like a crime.When I love.People just wants to avoid me.Well.If this is my fate,let it be.Only heaven knows.I have no one to turn to,my family's not caring anymore,my friend's aren't there anymore.I only have myself.Its me me me,all along.Only me.I'm a sucker on court,a failure in love,a loser in the eyes of others.I just hope that she will be happy.Thats all I am hoping for now.Her happiness.Since I'm not cut out to love,so be it.I'm just gonna love at a corner.Its everytime like this.Well,this is my destiny I guess.Alone.I'm more or less,used to it.All my past relationships don't last neither was it good.The girl I loved,seems to be running away now.Sigh.I'm sure she was feeling much better yesterday.Well,thats good for her.I'm happy for her.Everything else shall come later.I don't know.I rather get hurt myself.I don't want others I love to get hurt.Oh well,so what do I do now.With my life.Maybe I should just wait and live life positively.I should try it.No,I must.Well,whatever it is.It has been a horrible week.PURE horrible week.I'm sure this week will not be any better.I'm just plain unlucky anyway.
To her :
I just hope for you to be happy during this time.Thats all.Everything else shall come later...later...don't worry about me.Just let me rot and die.Go enjoy the fervors of life,while.....I think you should know.
-----------------------------
I just wanna talk to somebody,but nobody's there for me.
Crucify my love,if my love is blind,or is love a crime.

][][][][][][][

2005-07-03T00:32:00.000+08:00

Sigh..why why why.why put me through all this.why?!Tell me why.Somebody enlighten me.I just want to....some things are just too difficult for me to say now.I'm losing myself.Badly.I'm smiling,on the outside,but inside,its tearing.Like.Neverending.Sigh..Don't wish to elaborate further.I just wish someone would just come and talk to me on msn now.
People are aoviding me,there is not much I could do either.

deedkei

2005-06-25T11:22:00.000+08:00

In life,winning isn't everything.To learn from failure,is better than to be happy from success.Ok,for my tournament,got fourth.Played a really fierce match with my opponent during the 3rd playoff.That,I realised halfway that,it wasn't winning that is going to predict whose the happier one.Ended up,I was the happier one.Lost 9-8.I ended up smiling.Though the little disappointment in me.But thats going to make me work harder than before.Those encouragement I recieved.Made me carry one,made me want to work even harder.Well,theres always next time!School's reopening,I don't feel anything.What exactly have I achieved during the holidays?Nothing.Well,its always the same case.Well,got to go for now.Till later when I touch upon www.blogspot.com again!
Take care guys.

I love YOU.

sigh..

2005-06-15T21:34:00.000+08:00

Ever felt when everything is just not going your way?Totally.I felt it.I am..experiencing it.Damn,I just can't get it.Sigh..everyone seems to be either busy,or that,I am being avoided.I guess.I'm just not liked.Just parting with someone for that few hours or what,I already feel so lost,feel so gone.Sigh sigh,guess,it would be,me me,only me.Yan Wei keep's ranting about his ALONE IN THE COURT stuff,but,I've been alone on the court for so long.Sigh.Wheres my motivation?Now that I think about it,I've been motivating myself only.No-ones been there to motivate me,not her,not him,not they.Sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh...If you think everything is not going your way,take a look here,theres someone far out more worst,cus,I don't think that its not going my way,its just not going my way,thats all.Period.

I feel like telling her,how I really feel.But don't wanna lose a friend becos of telling her how I really feel.Should I?Sigh.

Lord.Tell me a reason for all this given on to me.

Jaded.

fuck fuck

2005-06-09T15:27:00.000+08:00

hehehe..long time no blog...well...back from kl last night..it was kinda fun.have boring times though..haha..here it goes

1st day :

it was none other than another early morning.i did my normal stuff..and get ready going to school..i reached sch..had briefing..went up to the bus..slept..and talk...and crapped..laugh..haha..when we reached the FRIM which stands for Forest Research Institute of Malaysia.....we walked around the trails..woah..nature is nice..so cooling and peaceful...and then..we went into the briefing room..for a briefing abt forests in malaysia..that speaker was humourous..haha...and sacarstic in a funny way..then..we went for dinner.and then.back to the hotel..we were practically running around the rooms..going into other people rooms..and bla bla bla..till 3 plus..where nicholas asked me to go over jia hui's room to slp..gosh..he yack yack yack..until almost 4..we went to slp...

2nd day :

6.15 in the morning.my alarm rang..we were in jia hui's room of cus..so..we went back to our room..and slept again..7.30..the morning call came.nicholas was soaking in the bathtub..while i was walking arnd the hotel room..after his bath..was my turn..so..after everything.we went down for breakfast..breakfast was crappy.not much variety of food..so.did not eat much..and then..went to the dunno what place...see forest again.it was hot..and..we went into the briefing room.it was hotter than outside.as if we were breathing in cardon dioxide..ok..everything was over.and we went for lunch..the crappier thing was.lunch was the same as dinner..prawns..sotongs..so..we did not eat much again..and went to buy some drinks..ok..in the bus...we were getting off and getting on the bus..going to different places.like the rice mill..the padi field..the palm oil factory..wow...its..the padi field is just so nice..such a big plot of land.i think the agriculture lands in malaysia is alr bigger than s'pore.then can dinner.we went to have 'buffet'..did not eat much.had no appetite..dun ask me why.im not going to say..=)..anyway..then...we went to watch thwe firefly stuff.haha..me and nicholas went into a normal boat..where we went b4 everyone that was there went..haha..with the outsiders inside the boat.there was an indian man which was very funny.he was telling his son 'theres a snake in the water.'.i looked down.but to no avail..i saw branches instead..and i thought to myself...(not going to say,its something racist).ok.after that...everyone was done..we went back to the hotel..the same stuff repeated..haha..was kind of moodddy.dun ask me why again.i also dunno =)..ok..only slept for less than 1 hr..was playing cards with aloy and nich

3rd day :

alright..its the last day.we woke up..went to pack our stuff.and went down...don and zhao huang was late..haha.TTY scolded them..gosh..so poor thing..haha.then we went to the kings palace..thats where this happened..at the gates of the palace...there was two horses..and aloy went to the not so tamed one..and then.he went to the horse and 'YOYO.whats up!'..then..he went to take a pic with the horse..and the horse head came down.and bite aloy's tummy.gosh..it must be some female horse..haha...and...we carry on laughing..hahahaha.....then in the bus..crapped.sang songs..enimem - just lose it..its my specialty....and then...we went to the shopping centre,gosh..so long..but the stuff there were disappointing...their sports apparel were not the latest...and their prices are the same as the apparels which were the latest in singapore..gosh...did not buy much stuff.only bought a pencil box..haha...from body glove.looks cool.then we were on our way back to s'pore.same things in the bus..but more sleeping though..ok....then..finally back at the singapore customs..i got for holding bubble gum.and all the policeman told me was 'u shldn't bring this into singapore' and i just said 'sorry.'..he said 'its alright'..and i went off..haha....back in hougang..we went to macs and met up with zhen hui and kiee kie jie jie..and then..we re-capped funny stuff..and we laugh and laughed non-stop.haha!
overall..a fun trip..

I R L U.T D S W Y W G.D I H A C?I L U.I W H Y S A B V A.

-d.,wqklndlk

2005-05-24T22:37:00.001+08:00

ok.im here to blog..dear blog.i really did miss you.things did happen.yeah.many..ok..firstly..results..sigh..i wonder.when will i ever get satisfying results?i just cant seem to win my brother.well.not gonna care.i'm just gonna stick onto my dreams.and then..become the successful one ive dreamt of being.tennis.well..its doing fine..golf.well.im improving...friendship.abit rocky.well..rocky rocky friendship..sigh.everybody's changing.i just can't keep up with the change..im just slow.well..love..hah..good question..does that even exist in my heart?well..my grandma has been diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer.but well..shes going to remove the ciss(or something liddat) soon.should not be a problem..family not in a very good situation either.im not gonna elaborate further..as i grow older.i find it harder to tell out my true feelings.is it what they say..pride?well.i dunno.guess.im gonna stop here for now..anyway..guys..GISELE IS HOT!

-.-;d,l

2005-05-01T09:01:00.000+08:00

alright..another post.sigh..i dunno.my hearts telling me the -ve..but..sigh..well..have a SUPER bad feeling about something which i WOULD NOT further elaborate on it..i just cant understand..those testimonials in friendster...was glancing through them.and realise..those closer friends of mine who wrote a testimonials..had vulgarities in them..and insulting me in every way..but..i can just smell the least bit of hostility in them.yeah..things have been going quite well...im trying my best..but..sigh..this is the purpose of MAN...MAN are made to do great things.NOT letting something small affect them.But..am i just a small man?or a real man?except for that tinge of gayness in me...yeah...

Murphy's Law :
1. If anything can go wrong, It will.

2. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will go wrong.

3. If anything just cannot go wrong, It will anyway.

4. If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.

(Simply meaning : It will be impossible to fix the fifth fault, without breaking the fix on one or more of the others)

5. Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.

6. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Have you experienced Murphy's Law?

I have.

......

2005-04-27T22:22:00.000+08:00

nuuuuuu.....lower spine haven't recovered.yawn...went to the doc today..all the doc said was...'ur lower spine has not recovered yet.u have to stop tennis for a month,alternatively,if the pain does not come in a week..then u can start again.but u can play golf as golf involves minimal lower back motion'....ARGH..no tennis..imagine..in a month.how many people will overtake me..first was tennis elbow..now is my spine..my my...looks like life isn't so fair to me....since when it was fair..even so...got excuse from pe..no napfa also...sigh..........life without sports = lifeless....sports = my life..my life = sports...yeah....

............

2005-04-14T15:46:00.000+08:00

alright.its been ages since i entered www.blogspot.com to post my entry..yeah..counting back..almost a month went by..in a blink of an eye..i found myself going through lots of emotional changes...i dunno..but...tennis updates..found myself on the court..thanks to people..Ben,Royston..for helping me to find myself..alright...back to reality..sigh....body updates..not too bad..but...have spine problem...it hurts..maybe i exert my back...well.i dunno.going to the physiologist soon to rectify the problem.Thoughts have been going through my mind these few days...whats the meaning of coming into this world...studying...aiming for ur goals..going to work...climb the coporate ladders..settle down....make a few little rascals....retire..grow old..then pass away...what if..we didn't have to go through all this..how will this world be like.will it be like now?In my opinion,i think these are what they said 'SPICES' of life..yes...for me.as what ive said in my blog a thousand hrs ago....im not interested in girls..which largely proved to be wrong now..in fact.ive been waiting..and waiting...i realised..love..doesn't have to be reciprocated in the end....u love someone..u dun expect urself to be loved back.....relationships ending up in a break..is becox of lack of love....is this really true love?the person who waits....has true love?whereas the person who is being waited for...does not know abt it?well...in love with her..but all i got to say 'Baby open ur heart,will u give me a second chance?'.Anyway,to those of my friends out there..sorry if i was looking dam dead..expressionless these few days..i dunno whats gotten into me..but..im sure..im alright..?This is to you.my babby..i love you. :

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, talk to me,
can't you seeI'll help you work things out.
Oh, don't wanna be your enemy
And I don't want to scream and shout.
'Cos, baby, I believe in honesty
And then be strong and true.
I shouldn't have to say now,
baby,That I believe in you.
What took you all night?
What took you forever to see I'm right?
You know, I treat you so good;
I make you feel fine.You know, I'll never give it up this time.
Oh, no, no.

Oh, you touched my heart right from the start,
You didn't know what to say.
But, honey, I understand
When you take my hand everything's OK.'
Cos, baby, I believe reality,
It's never far away.I've had enough,
so listen, baby,I've got something to say.

What took you so long?
What took you all night?
What took you forever to see I'm right?
You know, I treat you so good;
I make you feel fine.
You know, I'll never give it up this time.
What took you so long? (What took you so long?)
What took you all night? (What took you all night?)
What took you forever to see I'm right?
You know, I treat you so good; (I treat you so good)
I make you feel fine. (I make you feel fine)
You know, I'll never give it up this time.
Oh, no, no.

Baby, I believe in honesty
And then be strong and true.
I shouldn't have to say now, baby,
That I believe in you.

What took you so long?
What took you all night?
What took you forever to see I'm right?
You know, I treat you so good;
I make you feel fine.
You know, I'll never give it up this time.
What took you so long? (What took you so long?)
What took you all night? (What took you all night?)
What took you forever to see I'm right?
You know, I treat you so good; (I treat you so good)
I make you feel fine. (I make you feel fine)
You know, I'll never give it up this time.
What took you so long? (What took you so long?)
What took you all night? (What took you all night?)
What took you forever to see I'm right?
You know, I treat you so good; (I treat you so good)
I make you feel fine. (I make you feel fine)
You know, I'll never give it up this time.Oh, no, no.

.......................................................................................................................

2005-03-18T22:18:00.000+08:00

ooh..ong wei ming and jason lee.good match..hm.lost.thanks mr tennis elbow.......for coming last yr..now not as strong..but this match was rather close fight..if we were to cut down on the number of unforced errors..we cld have won..and every game had a sudden death...song bo..then i let my dear partner,ian.take all.but he cannot..hmm..maybe too nervous...court that has the centre of attraction.haha!...hmm..i remember u..ong wei ming..jason lee...really.complacent asses....watch out..me and ian are coming back in june..to fcuk ur ass upside down..to say the truth..u two are big nerds..wat R.I asses.

..[p

2005-03-18T14:15:00.000+08:00

Match Analysis :
Unforced Errors of PHELAN e LOSER : 86%
Unforced Errors of IAN e partner : 70%
Probability of winning match wih lower unforced errors : 100%
Probability of winning match with current unforced errors : 43%

fcuk.im a loser.i have to admit the fact.

--.-.-

2005-03-18T08:40:00.000+08:00

alright..ytd..woke up..slacked..tv..then went down to meet ian...hmm..played a slacked tennis for 1 hour.and then..went to take a drink..yawn..then went to meet ben..slacked tennis for 1 hr..hmm...went to novena square.slack slack slack..10plus..reach home..slept...been think..LOL..today's the showdown...LOL..confirm lose one lah...ONG WEI MING AND JASON LEE both very strong..checked that out..anyway.just go to the court and play my best yarh...hopefully ian wld be in his rythm....bye world.

-.-...

2005-03-16T18:44:00.000+08:00

hmm..tdy..woke up..had a lonely self-outing..went to novena adidas factory outlet...hmmm..thanks to elson who couldn't go with me ytd..anyway....went there.bought a polo tee...34++..yeah.cus that outlet the shirt got problem..hmm.they looked in perfect condition.just that they put the wrong size!haha..looks like adidas really have very strict requirements of their quality..guess its all just to preserve its branding..yeah..hmmm..then went down to toa payoh....to look at the shorts at WOS..was thinkin..forget it.more than enough shorts..hmm.then went down to nyp to play with zero and michelle.CRAP!lol.did not play well.haha..but still.yeah...went to mac..slack.eat..then went home..yawn..tonight.doubles training...with..ian..haha!well...we need more communication..yeah...its like..1plus more day b4 the showdown on fri..hmmm..1045.at kallang.hah!anyway.dun come support!HAHA..hmmm....dun hhave much confidence but well....im a loser what.so..most prolly will lose the first round!=)..anyway..my draw out is stupid.heard that LEE WEI MING AND JASON LEE both very strong players.so..wth..so...just get on the phucking court and phucking play the match...hhmmm...looks like..all my friends..are being hurt in love.nono..not all.most..hurt in love...i dun even have the chance to get hurt..or even dun feel hurt..looks like..this once a warm heart of mine.has turned into a cold heart...heartless.i dun care whether people like me anot..this is just me.and u have to accept it..im not gonnna change over 1 person..unless..its some ppl...yeah...well..shall see this crappy blog tmr...cya.take care guys..

-Give yourself a reality slap if you find life a BITCH-

wow

2005-03-14T22:46:00.000+08:00

i dun wanna let people have the impression of phelan like this 'its only phelan.u win him..its no big thing'...i wanna let people have the impression.'oh shit.its phelan ur playing with..all e best.'...i dun wanna fall into this mental weakness anymore.but i cant help but to fall in it...if im lousy.i will admit the fact that i am.if i am born not to be able to play super gd tennis.i will submit to fate.but that wont prevent me from nurturing tennis players..see.this is my passion...its tennis.my passion..u all cant curb this..its worst than a chain smoker..its worst than a drug addict.....anyway.took a break tdy...hmm.went out..caught a movie..hitch.its really amusing...hmmm..talking abt the word 'hitch'..everyone is getting hitch..well.except me.dam the fact that im not interested in girls..lol.thats not even a fact.its something i just love to say.well.i dunno.the girl haven't appeared.lol.if it doesn't.let it be...anyway..time for all this shit to end.tmr tennis at 7..yawn..cya guys.

eksaz

2005-03-13T22:35:00.000+08:00

i feel like a failure.i dunno what can i further achieve..i really cant do it.i can take it..its so dam irritating...i just have to admit the fact..im a failure on the court..in life.....in love..practically.everything...but that does not mean im gonna give up myself...everyones born a champion..u were a racer....in a race.where the participants were all SPERMS..u were the first one..to penetrate through the egg.POOF..out came you...everyones born a champion.im not gonna dwell on the thoughts of my failure...nor lament on it.im still gonna say it...dear friends...im not who u think i am..behind this facade.hides a heart..filled with coldness...filled with..unfeelingness..i dunno.is this just a passing phase of my life?well.i just dunno.all i have to know is that.this is something i have to get over it myself.so..PHELAN PHUA,GET YOURSELF UP...MAKE IT THROUGH THIS OBSTACLE....
Guys.heres a song lyrics.its extremely meaningful...

Noir - Lullaby:
the snow in the air
to sing me a lullaby
my winter, come hither to me
the dark nights to come
so, kiss me for good-bye
the grace of the godland is near to you
show me the flowers invisible
sing me the hymns inaudible
the wind is my voice
the moon is my heart
come find me, I'm on every hills and fields
I'm here... ever your near...
(sing for your love, gone so far in the past)
(pray for the world, that you may rest in peace)
the snow in the air
to sing me a lullaby
the angel of rebirth is here
so let all your pain
sleep within the husha-by
the grace of the godland
grace of the godland
grace of the godland is near...
so close to you

.....................

2005-03-12T22:16:00.000+08:00

hmmm...5 days since i updated.wth.anyway..what do i say now.hmm..well..its just tennis..studies..tennis..studies.strange isn't it..just when i get free to go out....my friends cant make it!HAH!what coincidence.anyway.hmm..tennis.aint doing so well.really have to thank ben.for waking me up..still a loser.but..not an amatuer loser no more..fuck u amatuer players who blame it on ur racket when u aint playing well..fuck off.its all ur fault.its not ur racket fault...give hewitt a wooden racket and he can still win u..admit it if ur skills sux..dun blame it on ur equipment....i know my skills sux.so im saying.I SUCK..I SUCK IN TENNIS.GET IT?!all becox of my tennis elbow.wtf..but.well.not gonna give up..thanks ben...really..u woke me up.....anyway..hmm.supper with kenneth later...so..yeah.cya guys..till then.have a nice hols yeah.

...

2005-03-07T22:04:00.000+08:00

what a day..2 plus hrs of stroking..yeah..then last half hr play match..fuck.whats happening to me..fucked up...cant play a match seriously..lack of love?how i know..all i know is that U-18 doubles..hell lot of strong ppl waiting to play with me...darn..cant seem to get a thing right.everything aint going my way.so for my dear doubles partner.ian..die..but still..its all in e mind i think.hmm..normal routine at sch.got pissed off by SOMEONE over some fucked up stuff..ive got my reasons.ive got my ku zhong..u cant do no fucking shit.im dedicated to tennis.wtf can u do....if u have nothing else to say.jolly well fuck off.cus what u say makes no sense.and when u try to act like some fucking cool guy.u just make urself look like fuck.anyway.SOMEONE does not refer to any of u who are linked to this blog.

song bo.

2005-03-05T17:07:00.000+08:00

song bo.2005 SCV Junior Tournament..U-18 Doubles.Double pair Phelan/Ian..wtf...first round.face..some stupid people with stupid names...dunno what name..but as far as i know.as long as i get through this first round.waiting for me will be roy fong and his friend..-.-.anyway...they are seeded 3rd..wtf..people.wish me luck.on the other hand.pls wish Kwan Yan Wei more luck.lol.fancy facing Nicholas Tan at his second round.just how good can his luck get man..haha..anyone of u who do not know who is kwan yan wei may refer to the Yuying Seconday 2003 Graduates.Secondary 4B.a hewitt lover.-.-.hmmm....guys.i just need luck now.my skill cant do no shit in this U-18..all such famous players inside..so lame.bye world.LOL

fuckofflafuckingbiatch.

2005-03-02T22:55:00.000+08:00

fucked up life of mine.fucked up friends of mine.fucked up pals of mine.....i cant seem to get what i want.my studies.everythings' gg haywire.wtf....someone.pls...im in a predicament no other sry soul could feel now..im the sorriest among the sorriest soul in this world..ive been hiding everything..in my heart...deep down..like an abyss...nvr ending fall..not knowing when u will land..drop dead..even who i like..u wun even know who i hate or like now..ive been treating everyone the same like b4.i guess.another me have awaken.wtf..i dun want this..on court.im a fucking loser..out of court..im a fucking failure..whats have in store of me..dam.how do i enjoy life when i dun even feel that not even one bit is gg my way....anyway.world.thanks for listening to my constant self-naggings.thanks..to certain ppl.thanks for being there for me..to other certain ppl..fuck u.dun think cus ur a few inches better.u can fawn it all over.cus u dunno.whose the better one.bye world.

argh.

2005-02-28T18:30:00.000+08:00

so many things not done.so little time left.wats left?stress?i dunno.feeling so tired...on court..so dam off..fuck.whats happening to me?the tourney is coming..and i cant just get into the mood.on the facade..life seems to be transient...the sec 4's got their o lvl results alr.and for all i know..2 yrs from now will be my turn..wtf...seeing most of their results..i dunno.im getting confused..so much work left...off form in court..FUCK..whats happening to me?!ARGH..and my form tcher..another bitch..argh..really cant stand her..bo tai bo ji complain complain complain..and what added on to my sadness was the rain..argh..i very much want to train.yes.to crush u....and my friends..argh..whats happening..altogether.life seems to suck.

fuck u

2005-02-22T18:46:00.000+08:00

well...it was the same routine.school.but not tennis.rest day.still feeling dam down over my past few performance on court...dam..whats happening to me..was sms-ing Ben..who was giving me hell lot of negative motivation which goes like 'You're a disgrace to all tennis player'...'Its disgracing for me to have such a partner'.thanks ben.this really got my revved up..anyway.this is dedicated to my fellow dude called GOH ZHEN HUANG.pls..if im just playing with u..get this str8..its playing.u dun have to go over my dignity and slap me.thanks..and to those ppl who have no sense of empathy..think b4 u make fun of someone.put urself into his/her shoes and see whether u'll be feeling good........just think man.if one day..someones gonna start making stupid lame jokes out of u.im gonna see how u'll be feeling...pls....KNOW YOUR LIMITS.

-A heart,not meant to love.But to Hate,Destroy.-

-.-

2005-02-21T22:02:00.000+08:00

ok.same routine.sch.followed by tennis.in the middle.was student leaders investiture...i dunno whats happenind to me..on court.im just a fucking baby playing like a fucking noob.i shld just admit the bloody fact that i suck.i cant play for no shit now...im feeling dam down.everything's dwn...except for e fact that i won money through betting soccer.thats the good things..but well..money aint important to me..i just want..my form......DAM!....anyway..good bye world..thanks for listening to my complains though..though not much listen to them.

...

2005-02-20T17:40:00.000+08:00

i never needed to post abt my on court stuff..till now..i really am..in a predicament.somebody..save my sorry soul.

...

2005-02-20T17:33:00.000+08:00

what a day tdy......woke up.went to church..man..after that went to bang some balls..as well as try out my n6..wtf is wrong with me now..fuck.i just cant get my form..its extremely irritating.could it be my new racket?cld it be all in my mind?dam..the tournament is nearing..i just cant get myself into the form...just cant play to my pace...what is happening to PHELAN?!ARGH.....anyway.the n6 was great.....i wanna get back those ego and confidence i had b4...i dun wanna be a low confidence and no ego bloody player.cus in the court..no ego = die......i really hate myself now..dun wish to elaborate further.fuck.take care world.bye.

eekrdmed

2005-01-30T22:21:00.000+08:00

ok.im posting.here it goes.it was none other than a sunny sunday.i was sleeping so soundly till my mother entered the room and woke me up for church.then i went to church.as usual.i wasn't paying much attention to the sermon,nor my eyes were focusing onto the priest.it was going in all directions checking out for pretty birds in the church.after church.my sis told me abt those girls in her sch wanna see my 'pretty' little face which i regarded more like a gay face..and my mother asked me 'Why dont u attend church,so many pretty girls?'..and i simply told her 'I'm not interested in girls.'.man.that did scare her off.ok..then i went for breakfast.it was one idiotic breakfast.ok.then home.then did my late SS work..dam!it sucks.then watched the Oz Open finals.yeah.what match.safin won.good for him.and after that came dinner.then came comp.then came tv.and here i am posting.dun tell me in trying to be crappy cus im trying my best to be.bye guys.

posted by nalehp`

Song : Untitled.

2005-01-19T20:18:00.000+08:00

The Story of 3C and the OLD VIRGIN

ok.finally something to write..the story of MY class and the old virgin a.k.a form teacher.well.it all started....on 3rd january 2005..it was a new year..i walked to school.hoping that my form teacher would somewhat be someone nice..alright...and then....we assembled at the hall...i realised the meaning of looks can be decieving as my form teacher looked like a blur whore..but turned out to be an old virgin...ok...i didn't mind..and then......time flew..we were already having our lessons..and now..here comes to crux...each mother tongue lesson was getting more and more fucked up...each time i attended the lesson.i felt like i was older..man..what more can i do...ok..and nicholas soon jian siong..i dunno why..he was my classmate..as usual..its ingeniousity..got her[form teacher] a name..ok..called..OLD VIRGIN...and then...my class became rowdier..and then..the old virgin..was complaining everyday..to our very dear daddy neo......bla bla bla..i wondered if she went to oh ngiong keng yet..well....but today....all of a sudden......she found out about her nick!..well..it went like this...she wasnt allowing the girls to go to the toilet...and as i cld see from the girls expression..they were going to burst!omg!and...that lady(mind u.im being a polite little boy)..said no no no...but what the hell...so..ivy was pissed.wendy was pissed.alicia was pissed.melisa was pissed.carrie was pissed.xuan ren was pissed.phelan was pissed.darren was pissed.ok.the boys.me and darren..we seriously needed help to write some freaking chinese words so that i cld carry on our letter writing..and..she just simply ignored our requests cus we were talking...and intolerant darren.at the end..went to 3D and asks for help.thanks lady(mind u.im being a polite little boy again)...so..we all started to call her old virgin..and she somewhat heard it..but from what the girls told us abt their talk..she dun seem to be admitting that shes a virgin...but i reckoned..still being single = still virgin..maybe she went to changi to look for gigs?but...with her 'im a fucked up fucking bitch' face...i guess no gigs even wanted to earn her money.it wld be..against their proffessional ethics..well..yes..even gigs have proffessional ethics..but another one struck me...maybe she was a prositute?but..with her face...which man wanted her?i guess even if she did services for free..that man wldn't want to..i dun see the reason why she has to lie to the girls that she is not a virgin.i dun see the reason why she wants people to think that she is not a virgin..all i can say that shes just trying to let people know..shes hip..and have had one night stand!omg..even a drunk man wld be EXTREMELY sober on seeing her face..its just so....prominent..cus..no one's face..has been ever printed with the 'Hi.im a fucking fucked up bitch.' face...so..ms low(im being extremely polite here)..if u happen to be blog-hopping(but i trust that ur not HIP enough)...and see this post...one piece of advice for u.'DUN LIE'..lieing will go to hell...but i guess we're not the only ones that we've lied to..maybe..to the other schs u taught b4...nono.not maybe.but yes.=p

posted by ekusuys ijuf`

Song : Rodney Carrington - Dear Penis

...

2005-01-18T21:49:00.000+08:00

just turned 15..crappy but yet sweet 15.new goals.new hope.new hatred found.deeper than ever.fuck those hatred in me.but thanks to that.im growing stronger each day.some new found motivation...hmm.went to sch today..as usual.making a fuss out of nothing..to think they must even make us stay back just to ask us to line up and walk off properly..sorry..but this is secondary whether they like it anot..if they're just gonna screw us liddat.its not gonna screw anything in our brains....hmmm...really.cant wait for the weekends....i wanna sleep my time away...im tired of everything..school....bla bla bla..i just want a good break..i want my slp.hmm..shall stop here.nothing else to write..

Posted by ekusuys ijuf`

Song : Micheal Learns To Rock - Thats Why You Go

.........................................................................

2005-01-12T19:25:00.000+08:00

day at sch...argh..crappy.....crappy lessons...crappy teachers+crappy nicholas..made the whole class crappy with crappy shun li..and crappy jia hao..trying to gay me whenever i laughed..crappy khian guan..and quiet yu jian..sitting close together like gays..but..crappy phelan..on his crappy desk..trying his best to understand the crapping of the teachers..then came crappy elson....then came crappy donovan..and we walked..walked...walked.......and the crappy bell rang with crappy papa neo crapping with us.n we were crap-walking to the crappy classroom..back in class..the same thing repeated..but during the crappy assembly..came crappy zh..who was making a thousand and 1 crappy comments abt the crappy speaker up there..but i had to shut my crap up..cus my crappy form teacher was crapping us away..dun tell me in crappy.cus im doing it on purpose.

Posted by ekusuys ijuf`

Song : Reset - Blue[Fast Edit]

...........................................................

2005-01-11T16:59:00.000+08:00

...updating it...once again..life is terribly boring now....i dunno whats in stored for life for me..or i dunno what i am going to do abt it..now i realised..why everyone wished a good death..cus..life is not as blissful as i think..i wished i was a kid again...able to turn back everything....feeling some sense of lost this few days....dam..someone get me out of this predicament...anyway..lessons was as usual fine..cus...did not do much work...yeah...cant wait for the REAL lessons to start..anyway....dun wish to elaborate more.take care guys!cheerios!

Posted by ekusuys ijuf`

Song : Pink Rose(IN)

...........................

2004-12-31T01:06:00.000+08:00

I meant what I said ;
I'm gonna... ;
Crush... ;
You. ;
Cus... ;
too bad for you.. ;
but... ;
I.. ;
Hate ;
it ;
when u say.. ;
something to me.. ;
it never fails to piss me off.

-.-

2004-12-30T23:59:00.000+08:00

well..what can i say..a new year is coming..and its stupid to make resolutions since u will wake up the next day and forget all abt them..rather not waste the time thinking abt it..just live life it is...yep...living it to the fullest..maybe.....purely...sincerely...i need money...broke like shit...yep...guess gonna live on bread and water till jan 15...hmm..yep...hmm..tmr gonna be the last day of the yr..feeling sad..this hol has been fast..very fast....it seems like ytd that it just started...and hai..why dun she wanna reply me..well...love is liddat..this is the real world whether u like it anot..u cant satisfy everyone.....and im dead serious..to him..im gonna crush u.....well..thats all...yeah..guys..take care ya.have a gd yr ahead..

Posted by ekusuys ijuf`

Song : Ayumi Hamasaki - [My Story] - 07 - Hope or Pain

pl.

2004-12-25T23:18:00.000+08:00

i guess.its time to admit..i suck as a human being..im losing frens 1 by 1...sigh..its destined..really...

................

2004-12-24T20:02:00.000+08:00

hmm..long time since i last updated this lil thing..hmmm..what to say leh..hmm..tennis until my calf 'spoil'?dam...but do i look like i care...hmm...not much know my blog's URL..not to mention almost ALL the SG players..dun plan to tell them im still playing tennis.anw...x'mas coming...lonely for x'mas..well.shall not push it...its all destined..yeah..shall not elaborate further.bye.x'mas to all.

...

2004-12-15T21:16:00.000+08:00

hm..nothing much..its just..yeah..zero was envious of my new tension..-.-..weell...jln sultan man...quite good yeah...tmr..will be another day...i just developed a new irritatedness..of a person saying 'buay steady' just when i have sth planned ahead like few days..and i couldn't make it to go out...they say buay steady..well.none of them seems to understand..yawn..except for a few.shall not pin point..yeah...^_^..dun worry..those on my GWs on my links arent affected.and one more yeah.

Posted by Ekusuys Ijuf

Song : Untitled.

haizzzz...

2004-12-13T10:57:00.000+08:00

i dunno whats these feeling in me.and i dun wish to elaborate...wtf..anyway..yawn..so bored..animes..animes....go 0uts..sports...heh...all this will end soon.yawn...meeting elson soon.yeah...just we two..and if ur gonna say its gay..fuck off then...^_^ ..going orchard..really.dunno what to do.

Posted by Ekusuys Ijuf

Song : Elissa - I Dream

...

2004-12-11T20:40:00.000+08:00

....i dunno what i shld say as i have nothing much to say.fanciful blogs are coming up everywhere..the colourful outlook..-.-..which left me speechless.but i still prefer mine all plain and nice.just sparing a thought for those using 56k.yeah.they're gonna lag big time for fancifull blogs.then again.not much will visit my blog.i'm just me now,PHELAN.

Posted by Ekusuys Ijuf

Song : Dj TAKA - COLOURS(ORIGINAL MIX)

what a day..

2004-10-18T20:28:00.000+08:00

heya bloggie.yawn..so tired.pratically.another bored sch day.stupid long..verborse talks.just talking abt the classroom cleanliness and stuff.took the OM 1 hour?!wtf.thats like..ZzZzZ..anyhow.after that.rushed home.bathed.changed.went out to meet elson,shun li,zhen huang,erinna,wai mun,donovan,hui fen...went to orchard.yawn..walk arnd...talk cock.drink coffee.see birds..woohoo.hmm..nothing much happened.except that.this time it was not online hui fen who pang seh-ed us...it was..erinna.wai mun AND hui fen who pang seh-ed us.haha.while we were whacking the machines of the arcade at cine.lol.after that.it was e bachelors moment.we walked to dhoby ghuat.on e way.was e same..cock talking sessions.haha.quite funny though.esp when zh is quite irritated by me doing my stupid laughing.hhhmmmmm.....then went to dhoby..took NEL home.yawn..quite a short,fast day....then went over to my cuzzie's house to take e x box to play.finally.something to keep my occupied during the evening.when my bro is back from his camp.sigh...i wanna see her again.will i have the chance to?

Song currently playing in Winamp : Untitled

s[a]nctified by Kaze`-

long long

2004-10-16T18:12:00.000+08:00

blog ah blog.i miss u everytime.haha.no lah.crap.hhhmm..today..had a okok day ba.went to orchard...with jian rong,elson,ken,zh and hui fen(who pang seh-ed us in the middle)...hhhmm..went to orchard..walk arnd.talk cock.buy bag.all for awhile only.wa..dam sian.then reach home dam fast.also cannot watch Ouija Board.sian ah...hhhaaaaii..still having sch...sucks siah..cant wait for hols...sleep until song...hm.finally...im blogging again.

Song currently playing in Winamp : Captain Jack Vs. DJ [N]ikki [D] - DrEaM a SpEedY
DrEaM (PoWeR LooP)

s[a]nctified by Kaze`

Dear Blog

2004-08-23T22:56:00.000+08:00

wah..song bo..long long haven't go inside and update this blog..my dear little soldiers..how i miss u all siah..must tag back wor!anyway..hhhmm..have been busy with MU Online..so...haven't been updating it..haha...hmm..today..every other normal school day..except that..it was COMMON TEST week..hhhmm..had the damned geog test today..was practically.struggling half the paper.man..what can i say...hhm..after that...went to heartland and eat...haha..was basically listening to leonard's crap theory on the birds..and the WELL KNOWN....SEXY HUANG.man..my class is fun.haha...fun like shit...finally.....home sweet home..and when i went home..the first thing that my father said was 'lets go to the gym'..man..alright..i went to the gym..arnd 6 plus...went home..dinner.then MU..till now...haha..hhhmm..then...till now..im blogging this..until Kek Khian Guan told me........'eh..ur blog one month no touch already leh!'..and something struck me to update it..so.here am i..updating it..haha..will be TRYING to update it more often as i am tied down with currently only three things..studies..mu.....gym.haha..nothing much..oh yeah..going out!haha...ok...shall go off now..tata eeveryone!

Song currently playing in winamp : Cascada - Bad Boy(Radio Edit)

s[a]nctified by Kaze`

hais...

2004-07-24T22:16:00.000+08:00

today...bloody day..woke up at 6.50..but to find out on going to school that..we are cleaning e bloody st john room..fuck them man..they dam SMART wor...ask sec 1 sec 2 bring pails..the whole company..50 plus people...all bring pail..want to flood the school arh?then call so many peiople..and say that its compulsory..kiang bo they all?want all squeeze inside the stupid room arh..ok lorh..then i go there.fall in..after that..push out cupboard.me and shun li then went to the canteen..drink..talk cock..sleep on the bench..sian like fuck man..waste my time nia..then waiting for CCA to end cus going to nokia care and orchard with lionel..hhhmm...then play abit of bball..walk walk..talk cock..slack until CCA end lorh..then str8 away..go change..bth arh~stupid shirt so uncomfortable...they budgeting arh?the fabric so rough..wear..only make ur skin rough nia..then hor..changed..go to lunch..then went orchard ler..first stop was wheellock place..duh..had to go nokia care.then we each took a stupid que number..heng..there no one at that time..then that consultant say that i have to change my whole software..my whole vibration motor or watsoever..bleah..and asked me to come back in the evening to collect..and the time was only...12.30..wtf..then lionel more suay..he nvr bring his warranty card..but he keep going there liao..so have his data there..then the lady dunno say what cock..dunno what new managament..bla bla bla..from that time onwards.he was kinda sian sian looking..hhmm...then we bought tickets to watch king arthur..that was already 1pm..so we walked over to heeren as the show started at 2pm...and i saw..Amanda Tan..heh..she wear until chio chio seh..then lionel was like 'phelan.not bad siah..know chio bu.'then the first thing she did was pointing to her that bag.she was having flag day!haha..so..i went down..and donated 50cents..and i ended up with 6 stickers..man..my coins was thouroughly used man..hmm..after that...i went over the lido..waited..then went up to the cinema..heh...king arthur quite ok larh.except that some parts quite boring..affter that..we 4 plus liao..we go cenie and walk walk..play abit arcade..then go off to collect our phone..hhm..lionel wanted to give it a try again..so..after all that..i got my stupid phone back..lionel managed to get his phone to get it repaired..everything was fine after that..then we walked to dhoby ghaut..heh..walk walk..then talk abit..then go home..man.....hhhm...that was all larh..and now..im just sitting here..blogging..man...erinna..if u reading this..i tell u..'wah..she hor...dam quiet siah..hai..tell me what to do leh'...and still nvr get a chance to see that gurl again..hais..leave it to fate ba..i just wanna be her friend.is it so difficult?

Song currently playing in winamp : S.H.E - [Qi Huan Lu Cheng] - 02 - Shi Mian Mai Fu

s[a]nctified by Kaze`

man..

2004-07-22T21:51:00.000+08:00

another day..heh..dai dee dai dee dai dee..woke up again..man...went to school..soon after i reached there..KEK KHIAN GUAN came with the cards again..man..that was how my day started..man...everything was alright...same old routine..but we went for a lesson..the LAO PU BOH lesson..mrs pang..heh..no offense wor..wait scared Yuying teachers come in..see arh..then cooking again loh..good..free food..can save money..but can puke siah we make until..man..it was recess..and it was.DAI DEE again.heh.but dun mind larh..i was on weekend mood already..haha...and then bloody bloody blah...lol.im copying ms ida..heh..ok..and then..after school.it was DAI DEE again..man if this carries on..i will get addicted..or am i already addicted?we staying back for some E5 cluster thingy which we the guys..thought that over there all sec sch girls......end up..only two schools went from secondary..and got one more category..the primary category..reminded me of my old and golden primary school times..and there was not much...what we say wah..'chio bu arh!'..dun have..only got one..the rest..all either ok or what..hehe..knew a few people becox of..we had to choose a stupid colour ice-cream stick.so..our grp was all strangers..until we realised we only had 3..and damian came in..few..finally..one familiar person..and then we had this relay thing..and WTF..leonard team won..and really..he is SMART wor..i must admit..heh..after everything..go zam abit of qiu..zam till i song..go heartland..walk walk.then come home..sian ji pua..and to someone:dun so sensitive larh..u so sensitive for what?dun think so much man..i dun wanna see ur face pek chek tomorrow..if not u can kiss ur candyass gdbye =)....dun think too much man.just live life..as life...
its been two days..still..i cant see her.fate is cruel..man..i gotta go..tc man..nitez!
'Intelligence is not a privellege,its a gift.'

Song currently playing in winamp : [Only in #PuB!]Deep Spirit - Lonely

s[a]nctified by Kaze`

angels crying

2004-07-21T22:05:00.000+08:00

man..what another ordinary day it is..oh no..it is not..it is racial harmony arh..hmm..ok larh..at least..i dare to say.last time i was racist.but now..okok liao larh..not so bad liao..dieing down=Xman..if i were to say this..ok larh.i respect them..their culture,their religion.yeah..i wouldn't want to be the cause of another race riot!haha..anyway..today was a relatively short on CURRICULUM time..man...but our feets got pins and needle from those 1half hours of in hall commemoration of racial harmony day..haha..alright larh..not so bad.esp the tan kok chee part and ida part..haha.and phew..luckily they put it in english..though they were giving us a demo of a malay wedding..haha..quite ok lorh..but the thing i dun understand..haha..malay wedding..malay leh..why got chinese dance one..haha..ok larh..not bad..got abit of creativity..but other than all that.i didn't even give a damn to the rest..heh.the same time lorh..in class.play dai dee on some lessons..man...heng i got listen still..haha..i still wanna go to my pure science class.and i will make it..mark my words..haha..just mark it..heh...talk so much abt school..hmm..after school..same thing lorh..went to the bball court..and watched the spetecular 4C versus 2A..was very surprised to see the number of people there watching..as if the whole school know liddat..haha.they even got one big WHITE BOARD to take down the scores..heh..my class not bad lah..was playing comparatively well..and..we WON..haha..congrats to the team..heh..though i was not there..for the last three quaters..man...went home..do my usual stuff.online?tv?haha...kk..i think thats all crap for now..now..where is she?fate is so cruel..i just wanna KNOW her..and why cannot?hai...leave it all to god ba..mortals like us..cant do anything abt it..kk..bye guys..tc.cya.night!

Song currently playing in winamp : E - Type - Angels Crying[Dj [S]pArCo 5'N'3 Mix]

s[a]nctified by Kaze`

wat a day..

2004-07-20T21:54:00.000+08:00

hmm..nothing to do..lifes difficult.man.basically..nothing much larh.the usual craps..nonsense.yep...thats me,myself and i.except..we played dai dee in class.fun sehz.over there keep hiding from teacher.then got one orh neh come in wor..wah.dam kao pei.relief teacher only talk so much..then stop us from playing.want us study.all the shit.haha.shun li gave her that name orh neh anyway.haha..crap siah him..and what a long day it was.until 1405 siah.can sit in class till ur butt go numb and can crap in the class while my jaws are strained.man..after school..went to heartland mall..keep seeing the same girl there.man..wanted to go and ask for her number.wanted to just be her friend and get ta know her.why not man.such a fate.see her at orchard,serangoon garden,even sat beside her in the cinema,the only communication we could have is eye contact.and that KEK KHIAN GUAN was there.wtf.which made me more difficult.and everytime she seems to be with the same group..hmm..looks like..i must wait for a very good chance.man.wasted one in the cinema.what time afraid is that.my hope to meet her and know her again would be blowed...man..i just dun wanna spoil such a fate with such a girl.hmm..nothing much.continued with KEK KHIAN GUAN and his crap..and went for stupid tuition.and its like.wat the fuck.so to the pasamalang there.buy food worth dunno how much.wat the hell.and went up to class and eat.eat non stop for like 1 hour.cant stand in man.and those two hours.passsed as if it took ages..and then.finally..it ended.and.when my bus came.he even wanted to come my house and surf porn with me __.nbzz..my tai ji u want to surf porn arh?dun get my father in trouble man.haha.but after all,hes a friend.kk..i think..thats all ba.tc.nitez.cya guys.

Song currently playing in winamp : Groove Coverage - 7 Years 50 Days(Radio Edit)

s[a]nctified by Kaze`

yawnsss...

2004-07-19T15:53:00.000+08:00

man..this is one of the manyy stupid blogs that ive made,hope it wont turn out as another unsuccessful one AGAIN.heh..some normal stupid school days..three words,9 words,1 meaning.Sian Ji Pua.man....nothing much happened man..after school.same old routine,lunch,walk at heartland,see 'birds' and then home.man...is it hard to write much on a blog?hhmm..dunno...maybe its my first?and maybe the ones ive read have many things going on in their life?for me..life rulz.life without being able to love.feelings of hate,neutral,dislike....not being able to love.a privillege?or...a loss?who is that someone?god..my heart.....pls..lead me to her.end my pain..man.gotta go now..thats all for now...tc guyys..cya.rawk on~

s[a]nctified by Kaze`